Daily Archives: November 17, 2011

8 Rules for New Caregivers


1. Start with a candid conversation. Talk with your parents about how you will be helping them to meet their needs. Unless they are severely incapacitated, they should continue to make their own decisions and remain a central part of all discussions about their care. Encourage them to articulate their concerns: Most likely, your parents are worried about becoming a burden and losing control of their lives. Have an open conversation about what role your parents want you to play. Establish limits so they don’t form unrealistic expectations.

2. Set your priorities. Make a list of what needs to get done and how you plan to do it. An organized approach puts you in control, reduces stress and ensures that your parents get the assistance they need. Be sure to create backup plans, and ask others to serve as reinforcements if necessary. Write down your plans and schedules, and give a copy to all involved family members. Consider using an online scheduling tool such as Lotsa Helping Hands to organize and keep track of who’s doing what, when.

3. Build a support network.In most families, one person assumes the role of primary caregiver. But that doesn’t let others off the hook. Enlist the help of your siblings, of course, but also consider that cousins, nieces and nephews may be eager to help. Don’t forget to include your friends, distant relatives, neighbors and acquaintances, such as members of your parents’ civic or religious groups. Not all of these folks will volunteer to help, but many will get involved if you ask. Some, in fact, may feel hurt or left out if you don’t seek their assistance.

4. Don’t be afraid to delegate. Ask a friend to pick up groceries or get books from the library, a neighbor’s child to adopt your parent as a grandparent, or a local teenager to help with yard work for a manageable fee. Investigate whether a civic group can provide free home repair or transportation services. Ask the newspaper carrier, a barber or an apartment superintendent to keep an eye out for your parents and to call you if anything seems wrong.

5. Offer alternatives. With family members, don’t accept excuses for not helping without offering alternatives. A sibling who lives far away, for example, can help with paying bills, contacting doctors’ offices or seeking support from local agencies. Siblings who have young children can cook meals or bring kids along for visits and outings.

6. Hold family meetings. Schedule them regularly, and bring in distant family by phone. Choose a neutral party to moderate if necessary. Draw up a clear agenda for each meeting, and agree on rules of conduct — for instance, don’t interrupt, stick to time limits, avoid argument and focus the discussion on how to care for your parents. If meetings tend to be contentious, consider hiring a geriatric care manager to run the meeting.

7. Involve your children. When you have parents and children who need your time and attention, you may feel pulled from both sides. Be honest with your children about the situation, and listen to their concerns. Encourage their questions, and answer them thoroughly. Carve out time for fun activities, and request your children’s help. Teenagers can drive Grandma to the store, and even a toddler can make her feel loved.

8. Talk to your spouse. Have a discussion with your partner about your caregiving responsibilities.What role do you expect him or her to play? Suggest specific ways your spouse can help, and show appreciation for his or her efforts. Recognize that your responsibilities affect your spouse, and encourage him or her to talk about any frustrations. Your relationship is a priority — keep it that way.

Your To-Do List

Determine housing options and preferences: With your parents, discuss whether they want to continue to care for their home or whether they have considered living elsewhere. Depending on their health and well-being, they can either stay in their home with some changes and additional help or consider other options such as an assisted living residence or a continuing care retirement community.

Research helpful services: Consider home care, adult day services, meal delivery and help with everyday activities such as preparing meals and doing laundry.

Learn medical history: Ask your parents about any medical conditions or health problems and get a list of their doctors and medications. If your parents are unclear about the details, ask if you can go with them on their next visit to the doctor.

Assemble contact list: Gather names and contact information for those in your parents’ personal support system. This should include close relatives and friends, neighbors, friends from their place of worship, clergy, housing managers or apartment front-desk staff, and even the local pharmacist.

Create a financial profile: While this information may be difficult to obtain, it is critical to have. Make a list of income sources such as Social Security and pensions, monthly and yearly income and expenses, bank accounts and investments, and a statement of net worth.

Review legal needs: Work with your parents to determine what relevant legal documents they have or want to have (wills, advance directives such as living wills, health care proxy forms, trusts and powers of attorney). Locate important documents, including their birth certificates, deed to home and insurance policies, and find out if they are up to date and express their current wishes.

Make a list of important accounts: Include Social Security numbers, bank accounts, credit cards, health and life insurance policies, and driver’s licenses.

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35 Questions to Ask Your Aging Parents…a tool in assessing their needs


 

 Their answers will give you a clearer picture of how your parents are faring and will help you assess their needs.

Parents after 50 Years Together

Their Home

  1.  Is your home still appropriate for you now that you’re getting older?
  2. Can you manage the stairs, or would you do better on one level?
  3.  Does your home have any safety hazards?
  4. Could simple modifications to your home make it more convenient?
  5. Should you think about living somewhere else?

 

Their Activities

  1. Do you need help with household chores, such as cleaning, fixing meals or taking care of the yard?
  2. Does poor eyesight interfere with your daily activities?
  3. Can you always hear the telephone or a knock at the door?

Their Mobility

  1. Is driving difficult for you?
  2. Do you have reliable transportation for shopping, medical visits, religious services and visits with family and friends?

Their Health

  1. What health problems do you have?
  2. Are your prescriptions current?
  3. Have you been to your doctor lately?
  4. What has your doctor told you about your health?
  5. Has your doctor or pharmacist reviewed all of your medications for side effects and potentially dangerous interactions?
  6. Are you having any problems taking your medications?
  7. Could you use help remembering what pills to take and when?
  8. Can you pay for your medicines?

Their Health Care

  1. What kind of health insurance do you have, and do you have Medicare, Medicaid or a Medigap supplement policy?
  2. Has your insurance plan paid your health care bills?
  3. Do you have long-term care insurance or life insurance?
  4. Have you paid your insurance premiums?
  5. Would you like help with filling out forms, such as insurance claims?
  6. Have you been told that insurance won’t cover medical tests or procedures that your doctor has ordered?
  7. Do you have any questions about Medicare or Medicaid?

Their Finances

  1. What are your current and likely future bills?
  2. Can you pay for what you need?
  3. Do you need help getting government or pension benefits?
  4. Do you need help with financial planning to make your money last?
  5. Are your Social Security and pension checks deposited directly in the bank?
  6. Is all of your financial information in one place?
  7. Have you considered a reverse mortgage, which would provide extra income from the equity in your home?
  8. Have you considered that you might need money down the road to help pay for assistance with everyday activities?
  9. Do you have any bills you can’t pay?
  10. Do you have an estate plan and a will, as well as a living will and health care proxy?

Note: Finances can be a sensitive topic; you may want to be less direct with your questions.

Repost from: AARP

My interview with NBC’s Califonia Non-Stop: Tips for seniors to protect themselves from financial abuse


Paul Downey: Seniors First

Yesterday, I appeared on NBC San Diego’s local news program on the California Non-Stop Channel to discuss tips for seniors and their loved ones on how to prevent being a victim of financial abuse.

Seniors are living longer and more often in their own homes independently. This can make seniors vulnerable to scammers. According to MetLife, older Americans are losing $2.9 billion each year to financial abuse. This is a 12 percent increase from the $2.6 billion estimated in 2008.

Financial abuse can happen to anyone, regardless of income level, living situation, race, ethnicity, religion or social status.

Here are some great tips we spoke to, provided by Deputy District Attorney Paul Greenwood from the San Diego District Attorney’s Office. Greenwood is the head of Elder Abuse Prosecution. He encourages anyone who suspects elder abuse to contact the Adult Protective Services hotline at (800) 510-2020.

Tips courtesy of…

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Experts: More Seniors Being Targeted For Scams


Elder Financial Abuse on the Rise


Musings of a Gerontologist

2010 saw the passing of the Elder Justice Act (EJA), the most comprehensive federal elder abuse law in U.S. history. We know from earlier studies that roughly 11 to15% of people ages 60 and older face some form of elder abuse each year. Experts agree this number is under-reporting and the scope of the problem is larger than we realize. According to a 2008 study by the Metlife Mature Market Institute et al., the perpetrators of elder financial abuse are typically not strangers. They are often businesses, service providers, family and friends who have gained the trust of the older adult. Here are some interesting findings:

  • The victims of elder financial abuse are losing a combined total of $2.9 billion dollars annually.
  • Women are twice as likely to be victims of financial abuse as men. Most of these women are age 80-89, living alone, and requiring some help in the home…

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